SUBJECT: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
In order to assure the highest levels of quality
work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well
trained through our program of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T).
We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than
anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please
see your section manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and
our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be
placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T). Those who fail to
take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to Employee Attitude Training
Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were
promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are full of S.H.I.T. already.
If YOU are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested
in a job training others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List
(B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and
can apply for promotion to Director of Intensity Programming (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.).
If you have further questions, please direct them
to our Head Of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).
Boss In General,
Special High Intensity Training (B.I.G.S.H.I.T.)